From Words to Poetry

Struggling tonight to write just about anything.

Everything is falling through
I can't believe that my mind is blank
Summer is ending what do I got to show
School is warming up, getting ready to start up
Heading back real soon and I ain't even sure I'm ready
Its a brand new ball game, I better not strike out
This is all I got left
If I let myself down I ain't got no one to blame
Me myself and I that's all I really have
I got a family and friends that I depend on
But at the end of the night it all falls on me
What I do, and the choices I make
They don't make them for me
I can't blame them for my falls
Its up to me to show the world
I am ready for any obstacle they put in my face
No they can't keep me down.
No they won't push me around
This is my life, my game
I'll play it my way
And God'll guide my step, every day
God has got my back my front my all around
I'll step in faith through this world
Because the evil all around me falls apart
Just like a shredded paper heart

About Goodbyes

So tonight I got to see Toy Story 3 and it ends rather sadly, however this was not really my inspiration for the poem tonight. I actually wrote it before I did this part because it hit me hard and I let it flow. So often we don't want to say goodbye because it hurts us too much and we're too afraid to cry. I have learned to say goodbye a few times and it always ended in tears. I've recently lost a friend who once said I won't say goodbye because goodbye means gone forever and I refuse to let you out of my life. Now she won't even talk to me. I miss her now and again, but I told her last we talked that I'd give her all the space she needed and no matter what I still loved her. I guess maybe some times goodbyes are easier then so long for nows. So here is my goodbye.

It takes a lot to say goodbye
But it takes a heart to start to cry
Don't think about the future
Focus on the past
Life is always gonna have its goodbyes
Don't let tomorrow come early
Stay by my side tonight
Remember all the fun
Remember all we had
I'll never forget about you
Just promise to never forget me
You and I were meant to be
This I promise just wait and see
I won't say goodbye tonight
I'll just hold on tight
If I start to cry
Don't be afraid to hold me closer
I'll love you forever
Just don't let me go
Don't say goodbye tonight
Because those words hurt too much
Goodbye means forever
I won't let that happen
So farewell for now
Until we meet again

Run Away

Tonight I think I'm going to write about running away. When your problems finally get to a point where you want nothing more then to run away from everything. Find a place to escape from reality. Some times its alright to run. Some times running actually leads us to something better. We are called to run away from that which tempts us to sin. We are called to not conform to this world but run from its sinful ways. So some times running is good. A poem of running

No where to turn
I begin to run
Quickly to something new
I can't deal with the pain
I need to escape
I need to get away
Before I get defeated
It's time to run
I need a new direction
Show me another path
I can't stay any longer
I need to get away
You don't know my problems
Don't beg me to stay
I want to run
In the opposite direction
Don't try and hold me back
I can't bear the weight
I have to run away
Can't you see my pain
Can't you understand my hurt
I must run away
To a new beginning
Run away
To a new life
Where pain and anguish
Have no control
I must run away

To My Mother

So tonight I was texting with my mother for a while, and the significance of this is the fact that I was actually talking to her. My mother and I never talk. I just refused for years to talk to her because she had basically abandoned my sister and I when we were younger. So I hadn't seen her for around eight years and suddenly she wanted to be back in our lives. Well With everything my family had said about her I had wanted nothing to do with her. She may have given birth to me but she wasn't my mom. But more recently I have forgiven her in my heart and I have met with her a couple times over the last two years. Now I am beginning to text her and actually take time to talk to her and I feel like a part of me is saying just give her a chance show her the love of Christ. So tonight my poem is about her.

Where were you mom
Throughout my childhood
Not a picture of us to be found
You made some poor decisions
I love you still
You quit seeing me
I quit caring
Mom where were you
When I road my first bike
When I first learned to drive
When I out on that cap and gown
Mom I know you wanted to be there
Mom you waited too long
There's not much for you to be in my life
You missed all the important things
Mom I still love you
Can't we turned back the time
Show you the reruns of my life
Mom you missed so much
Mom don't cry
I'm still your son
I'm the baby
But I'm all grown up now
And you missed it all
I still love you mom

Paved or Rugged

Look at the path you follow the most what does it look like? Often times we take the path that's been beaten before us but some times we decided to take the path less traveled to quote Robert Frost. Today I celebrated a my aunt's 50th birthday. I kept saying I can't afford to get old I'm going to work with kids most of my life. Then I was driving aimlessly around with my best friend and we were talking about God and evolution and things that are in the schools and not in the schools because of how this world is disintegrating and I just think that so often we follow the path of those that came before us instead of making our own. So tonight I wanna write about taking a different path.

I've been here before
The fork in the road
I look and see
Briers and thickets on one path
On the other a well paved road
That road worn before me
By many whom taught me well
But now I am on my own
So what path should I take
Be your own person is what I was told
Make your own choices
But does that mean I can't follow you
No but don't make the same mistakes
So here I am
At the fork in the road
The scarier one to my right
The paved to my left
I take my step of faith
God will protect me
As I walk through the briers
And stand on the thorns
This is my life
I'll choose my own path
God is with me always
I have nothing to fear
I can make my own path
And when I look back
I'll know it was best

Hide

I want to say that every day, I pray for guidance and strength and every day I tell myself "Ok Jon you'll be alright today." Some times I think if I could just go some where with my music and not come out for a while I'd be back to where life is taking me and I'd stop worrying so much about the world around me. Being a Christian even to death often gets me criticized even in my own family. I know they would tell me they were just joking around but it really hurts that they don't see what this means to me. I worry deep into my spirit for all their lives they aren't saved like I am and they won't listen to me talk about it either. I just don't know what to do some days. Some times I just want to hide some where and spend a few days with God all alone. I wonder if that would get me seeing straighter. I guess only God would know.

I'm afraid of who I am
I'm not sure of who I'm supposed to be
I want to run far away
Can't anybody see
This look in my eyes
That says I want to hide
Leave this place
For somewhere new
For a time to get away
Leave this world behind
Just me and God
Him talking
Me listening
I know he loves me
He is taking care of me
But I am afraid
I don't like the judgment
It hurts me deep inside
Can't people see
This light in my eyes
The light that says
I know the truth
I want to share it
I want to run away
And leave them all behind
Let God hold me close
And take me from this world
To Him and my family in Christ
I want to get away from persecution and abandonment
To love and compassion
Can't they see in my eyes
That I just want to hide

Freedom

So tonight I'm back to throwing whatever happens to come to mind down as a poem. Yesterday I did a lot of listening to Owl City and feeling lonely without a special someone to call my own. Today I saw the final steps of my car come together and hopefully in the morning I will get to see it get inspected and passed. This would mean I am finally going to be ready to be free. So tonight I think I'm going to write about freedom.

Daddy look at me
My car is packed
The road is calling
I'm finally ready daddy
Ready to be free
When I get behind that wheel
You'll see a new me
Freedom is calling
Can't you hear it daddy
I'm ready to be gone
Ready to be free
Daddy I love you
Don't you cry
I'm finally the man
You hoped I be
I'm finally free
I'm driving away now daddy
One last honk and wave
I'm ready to leave
Ready for freedom
Don't worry I'll call
I'll be on my own
But I know I'll be ok
Daddy I love you
Daddy I'm free