You

So today has been an extremely long day. I do not want to have to make that drive any time soon again. But alas I am safe in my new home and I will slowly begin to unpack everything and make it home to me. So tonight I've got to come up with a poem and I really have no idea what to write.

You
Bright and bubbly, you
Shinning like a star, you
Lovable and caring, you
Always cheerful never fearful, you
Complete me, you
Make my world go round, you
Tell me how much you love me, you
Always there for me, you
Bring color into my life, you
I thank God for, you
I will always love, you
The girl of my dreams, you
Above the rest, you
Perfect for me

My Love

So tonights poem is brought to you by the letter love. Cause when you find it you know it. I've been in love with this girl for far too long, and now my prayers are that we can keep it together. So a poem for my love.

You got me flying high
My mind up in the sky
My heart's aflutter
You make me smile
Like no one else
Babe you are my everything
Don't let nobody
Tell you any different
I love the way you laugh
I love the way you smile
Your voice is the instrument
I want to hear
Every night before I sleep
Your hands are perfect
Just for mine
I want to hold you tight
All through the night
Whisper I love yous in your ear
Never let you go
You are my baby
I love you sweet lullaby

On Facing Freedom

I have one day left at home and I just don't know what to do any more. I can't stand staying home, but I can't stand being anywhere else either. I'm so antzy to be gone, but I'm stuck with this feeling that I'm not really ready to go. Like something is holding me back. I wish I could wake up and it be Tuesday tomorrow, but I know I still have a day left to go and its tearing me up inside. I have everything but my clothes packed and ready to be thrown in the car but its killing me to see it piled up. I don't know what to do, my brain feels as though it might explode. Normally right now I'd be smoking an entire pack of cigs or drinking until I couldn't feel, but I gave that all up knowing God would take care of me. Yet I struggle at times like this when it feels as though God is on the wayside just watching me struggle. I know it isn't true, but it feels like it is and its eating me inside.

It's eating me inside
This nagging deep inside
I want to be free
Yet I'm half afraid to leap
I need a little push
That bit of encouragement
The voice that says
"Hey, you got this"
I've been here before
But somehow it feels different
Maybe knowing
I'm more free than before
Maybe knowing I really have control
This world that I've been going after
Is finally at my feet
But suddenly I'm not sure
Am I ready for this
I didn't ask for worries
I didn't ask for troubles
All I ask for
Was freedom from home
This is more than freedom
This is newdom
Nothing is as I thought it should be
I can't run back like I did before
It's time to face this
With my feet firmly planted
My mind firmly set
I can do this
I was born for this
I will overcome this

Rock Bottom

So today I had some fun outing with my female cuz. We hardly agree on anything, however, we do agree on fashion. We both have this thing for needing to look good at all times. Our fashions may be a little different than the norm but that's what makes us unique and what bonds us. Than my sister and I went to the drive in again and we watched Despicable Me and The Other Guys. The first was adorable. The second I could live without. Tonight I am blanking severely on what to write about. And I'm running low on ideas, but that fact alone can actually become an idea within itself, so lets see how it goes.

I am hitting rock bottom
My ideas are waning
Emotions are lost
Words not found
Poetry not written
I am at rock bottom
Once I thought
I would never
Be low on ideas
I am quickly learning
My ideas
Are quickly burning
I am at rock bottom
I need some inspiration
Something that sparks my mind
I need new emotions
To bring back
The life in my words
I am at rock bottom
My poetry
Is low on feelings
I can't find the words
To bring my emotions to life
I am at rock bottom

Tree Farm

Today was a great day. I got to spend time with my cousins. We beat each other up on the trampoline, than we played halo together for a while. My sister was having dental work so me and my older cousin babysat as well. We learn that Evey loves Lady Gaga and she will boogey away to it. But honestly that wasn't what made it great. What made it great was how God always brings things in your life together. For the last month I had been doing a devotional about how God has planted man like a tree by the stream so that it could grow strong and dig its roots deep. The whole devotional talked about how a man was supposed to be like a tree. Tonight my best friend and I went for a drive and he took me out to a tree far he works at. And it's amazing how God just connects things in your life like that. And we also saw a fawn down at the tree farm and its just been an amazing night filled with God. So I've decided to write a poem tonight about trees and being like one and whatever else decides to flow.

On some days
I am like a tree
Strong and tall
On others I am
A brittle branch
Waiting to be pruned
I know that
God is life
He is the stream
By which I am planted
God is the farmer
Who cuts off
The dead branches
Keeping me
Nourished and healthy
For I am His tree
He planted me for a purpose
He would not let me welter
He will keep me strong
For times of trouble
My roots
They've buried deep
My branches
Reach high
I am like an evergreen
Surviving through the worst
Growing all the time
God is my farmer
I am his tree

Time

So I've been struggling with some thoughts lately and I've been listening to a bunch of old songs that used to mean the world to me and now they take me back to a lot of old memories. I some times wish I could have froze time in those moments when the answer never seemed easier. When I never felt happier. Now I just keep praying that some how I can go look forward and be able to know. Just what it is I'm really looking at. When those easy grateful times come around I'll know what to do instead of what I think I should do. Life is a series of choices some times you walk down the path and realize it may have been easy but man was it wrong. So that is where this poem comes from.

I've got a lot on my mind
I just want to take the time
To figure it all out
Just give me my space
Can't you see I'm suffocating
I don't know what to say
Just give me some time
My mind is full of commotion
I need to straighten it out
My heart is fighting my head
My head is telling me not to listen
But I don't know any more
Just give me some time
I promise I'll figure it out
I won't let you down
No I won't let you go
Just give me some time

The Fire

I had a bonfire tonight kind of as my last hoorah before I head back to school. Things are definitely going to be different this year. I won't be returning home like I used to. I'll be able to say "Hey, I don't want to go home, so I don't have to." Yet a part of me wonders will I still want to? I mean I love my family, but some times I just keep thinking I'll be better off on my own. I sure hope I'm right. But I kinda just wrote this poem as a way of dealing with a number of things. The loss of my pap, the loss of a girl I once knew well and loved, and the loss of a few other good friends. I actually wrote this poem before I wrote this excerpt. So enjoy the poem.

There was a fire tonight
But you weren't there
I felt alone
My arms felt bare
I miss you here with me
Things aren't the way they used to be
My life is so empty
But you can't see it any more
You aren't here with me
And my heart feels as if it tore
Come back to me again
You used to my friend
Times have changed so much
I'm sorry it had to end
I had a fire tonight
It was cold without you
I saw the stars twinkling
They reminded me of who
You and I used to be