Free To Be me

In the end
It just won't last
Bringing back memories
From my past
Thinking of who
I used to be
It's time to move on
Create a brand new me
With your help
Nothing is impossible
With my faith in you
Moving a mountain is possible
Turning to you
I turn a new page
A book waiting to be written
no longer trapped in a cage
But free to be me
And that's all I needed

Whom Shall I fear

I love to run away
Away from all my problems
Away from all my fears
But not today
Its a new day
Today I stand and fight
No longer will I run
I'll face my fears
Face my problems
Look them straight in the eye
Tell them I'm not running
I've got my sword and shield
I'm gonna fight with all I have
Today I have put on the full armor of God
And I am unafraid of anything
With God whom shall I fear

Secret Inside

I can't begin to tell you
Just how much it hurts
Every day that I keep
This secret thats inside
Its like a time bomb
Waiting to ignite
Just that one button
All will be over
I'll explode from the inside
I'll never be the same
So please don't let me
Hold this secret inside any more

Destined

There's something in the way you smiled
When you first looked at me
I knew you were someone
I'd want to know
Maybe you and I
Ought to take a walk
Tell each other our secrets
Reveal our hearts desires
Maybe by the end
We'll find that
Life was only leading
To that point in time
Where you and I
Knew we were destined for more
That we were destined for each other

I Am Not Alone

I am not alone
Fighting with this sorrow
Battling this depression
I am not alone
Wanting to give up
Letting life go
I am not alone
Every day I wake up
Wishing that I hadn't
I am not alone
In a room full of players
Each with their own mask
I am not alone
Everyone plays a part
In a world full of torture
I am not alone
So today I'll lift my head
Walk with a purpose
I am not alone
I will open up more
Share my life with others
I am not alone

Let's Be Friends

When I first saw you
I didn't look twice
You were pretty
But I wasn't drawn to you
Then I saw you again
And I began to want
To know you more
I began to want to know who you were
This beautiful woman in front of me
I wanted to know if you wanted to know me
I wanted to know if you'd be my friend
Who are you mysterious woman
Who wants to know me
Who tells me she cares
Who wants to talk to me
Tell me who you are
And I'll tell you who I think I am
I can't promise much
But I can promise to be honest
All I ask is the same from you
So let's be open
Let's be friends

Secret

I've got a secret
I need to tell you
Something I've been concealing
I'm afraid to tell you though
I'm afraid you'll run away
Tell me I'm not right
I'm afraid you'll judge me too quickly
Can't you see I just need a friend
Won't you be my friend
Won't you hear my story
Please don't go
I need you here to help
I can't hold this secret any more
Please just listen
That's all I can ask

Father Please (a song)

Sitting here in my room
I'm crying miserably
I can't find you tonight
I'm so cold and alone
Where are you when I'm torn
I need you tonight

Father please
Come back to me tonight
Let me feel your warm embrace
I'm crying out to you

I see you every day
Walking with your head down
You're scared to show who you are
I watch you read your book
Curled up by yourself
Your crying inside

Father please
Come back to her tonight
Let her feel your warm embrace
She's crying out to you

Don't try to run away
Let Him come to you
With all of your pain
All of your tears
He knows them all already
So bring your tears to Him

Father please
Come back to us tonight
Let us feel your warm embrace
We're crying out to you

We're crying out
We're crying out

Father please
Come back to us tonight
Let us feel your warm embrace
We're crying out to you

Monster Inside

I want to make a fist
Throw it forward blindly
Taking out whatever
Would happen to cross my path
I can't contain my fury
It's building up inside
Bubbling and boiling
Past the level of control
Into a level of destruction
Breaking down all my walls
Torturing the peace in me
Shoving it away
It become superior
to all I hold inside
It rampages throughout
Trying to escape
Like a monster trapped in a cage
Ripping at the bars
Tearing at the floor
He'll find away
To wreak his havoc
And rest again
Until he's ready
For another storm

Afraid of the Pain

There's got to be a reason
For you and me
To be here today
I was bitter and spiteful
Yet you stayed by my side
You forgave me for my anger
You understood my need for frustration
I can't understand
Why when I'm hurting inside
And I lash out at you
You're willing to let it slide
Telling me its alright
We all need to break down and cry
Sometimes its brings out
Who we really are
You know that somehow
And still you care
Don't let me fall
I'm afraid of the pain
I don't want to hurt any more
I just want to be whole again
Please keep me from the pain

One Hundred

In commemoration
Of poem one hundred
I'd like to write one hundred words
One hundred is a number
Many people like to count to
It is used to make statistics
And the grading scale is to it as well
One hundred means a century
When we measure things in years
One hundred days of school
Means eighty more to go
The number one hundred
Is overflowing with value
One hundred pennies make one whole dollar
And one hundred dollars
Is one crisp Benjamin
And now to finish
My poem of one hundred words
I'll end with my one hundredth word

Unity

In differences we came
In unity we leave
But in between
Something happened
Between everyone of us
Love grew stronger
Prayers longer
Worship louder
Spirituality deeper
Everlasting bonds created
So we leave in unity
Loving one another
A family forever

Hands

Lord that my hands
Do Your work
Glorifying You
In all I that I do
Not just lifting them up
In times of praise
But in doing Your will
In every day deeds
May my works reflect
Your Spirit within me

Mind

May my mind
Be ever searching
Yearning to learn more
Willing to fight the struggles
Striving to gain knowledge
Being faithful in my studies
So I may learn
All that I can
And be faithful to You

Heart

To love is to show
Affection from within
True love is dying for another
Even if they may be
A neighbor or enemy
Giving a life to save another
Selfishness pushed aside
This is what Jesus did
He died on the cross
So our lives may continue

The Right Path

Along the journey we take
Our roads cross many paths
Often we make decisions
Based on what is easiest
Not always what is right
We try and fool ourselves
Saying its not that bad
We'll make up for it tomorrow
But all it does is make it worse
We keep getting further away
The only way back
Is through giving up our lives
To the one who knows our ways
To Christ our King
He'll take your hand
And guide you back
Planting your feet
Firmly on the right path once more

Guiding Light

Lord Your feast is plentiful
Better that a thousand of ours
Father Your water is fulfilling
Taking away all thirst
Father let me drink Your water
Let me eat of Your bread
Fill me life with You
Let only You shine through
Be my guiding light

Memories

We sing and we laugh
All through the day
But when the night comes
We're all alone
We start drifting away to times gone by
Our smiles turn into tears
Our laughter into sobs
Oh how much things have changed
Where did all the time go
We just want to go back
We just want to hold on
Maybe tonight our memories
Will sing us to sleep
Or maybe tonight
They'll just keep us awake
Can't we escape
Fears from our past
Can't we look forward
To new beginnings of our future
Hold on tight
To all you have now
Its the only thing certain in this uncertain world

Piece of the Puzzle

There is so much to know
When you first meet a stranger
But then they become your friend
Sometimes even more
But still you have
So many questions
You want to piece them like a puzzle
And as you do
You learn more about yourself as well
You learn that puzzles
Aren't always meant to be put together
Sometimes a missing piece
Makes a little more interesting picture

I Wanna Know You

What mysteries lie beneath
The gravestones of your soul
What secrets do you keep
Locked in cages dank and musty
I wanna know it all
I wanna know you
When you lay down at night
What is it going through your mind
What stories do you tell yourself
That help you sleep at night
I wanna know it all
I wanna know you
Do your dreams reveal your desires
Or are your nightmares uncontrollable
Where does your mind go when you drift to sleep
I wanna know it all
I wanna know you

On Solid Ground

Where will it end
This line that I've been balancing on
When will my feet
Be on solid ground again
Where oh God
Have You gone
I feel as though
I'm deep in a pit
Where You can't reach me
Though I know its not true
You love me forever
No matter my stains
You wash them all away
You throw them out for good
Into the pool of the forgotten
You have already seen this fall
You know where I can stand
You guide me back
Into Your loving arms
Where I know
I don't have to worry any more
I'll once again be on solid ground

Seasons

Seasons are like life
Each one represents a stage
Spring a new born child
Budding and blooming
Children growing and learning
Summer the mid ages
Warm and relaxing
Young kids to adults happy where they are
Fall a passing
Quick changes and death of summer
Aging and passing away
Winter bleakness and uncertainty
White and muffled
Death a mystery and unknown ends
Seasons come and go
Just as people do
So enjoy each season
As though your last
Fall is just around the corner

Autumn

The chilly air
Sharp and crisp
Blowing around us
Do you hear the leaves
Crunching beneath our feet
Rustling as they are blown about
Autumn is here
Time of change
Time of beauty
Colors are vivid before the dull
Smells are enhance before the nothingness
The night sky slowly becoming clearer
Fall has arrived
And the Season of passing is upon us
Goodbye sweet Summer
Hello pungent Fall

Healing Rain

I'm standing in the rain
I feel it soak my skin
I do not feel cold though
All I feel
Is the healing power
God pour out
Your healing rain
Wash away all my sin
Cleanse my body
Wipe away the blood
My arms are stretched wide
My face turned skyward
Father pour it all out
Fill my with Your Holy Spirit
Pour it out til I can't take any more
Father Your healing rain

Until My Last Breath

If I could write a song
I'd write it for you
The lyrics I sing
Bringing you praise
Love and mercy
Flowing from my lips
All for You my King
Praise and honor
Be unto Your name
I will sing to You
Until my last breath

On My Knees

Slammed to my knees again
I can't get up
This weight that I bear
Its digging me a grave
I can't fight it alone
So I'll cry out for help
God I'm down again
I hope you can hear me
Please take away this weight
Blow away my sins
I can't stand to see
This person who
Falls into temptation
Father hear my pleas
Let me free
Break these chains tonight
For one last time

Love in the Rain

Its raining outside
Don't make me go out
I dread being wet
But to dance in the rain
Hold on to the one you love
Kiss them softly
Tell them you love them
Don't you want that
What do you have to dread
My love is not out there
My love does not like the rain
How do you know
Have you ever ask
Of course not
Who actually likes the rain
Go away bug me not about the rain
Well I think you should do it
I bet you'll learn something
Take my hand
Lets go dancing in the rain
You and I together
I'll hold you close
Keep you as dry as I can
I'll whisper I love you
As much as I can
Come dance with me
We can love in the rain

Will You Marry Me

Singing just to hear the words
Songs I've created
Just for you
A lullaby in my head
As we dance the night away
Hands in hands
In circles we sway
To a simple song
Written about love
Leaning on my shoulder
I feel you relax
I love you I whisper
Will you marry me

Done

We dream tonight
Of life just right
But when we wake
Life is at stake
It doesn't seem to matter
Because life's not served on a silver platter
So take a moment
Without any movement
To thank the one
Who said it was done

Without

Without a word
Tell me love
Without a note
Play me worship
Without any contact
Show me forgiveness
Without moving at all
Express how you feel
Without me
Show me you
Without God
Show me mercy
You can't do any of this
So open your mouth
Spread out your arms
Show the love of Christ

Deep Inside

Can't you feel it
Deep inside
The burning passion
Screaming out for Christ
Every time you lift up your hands
You sing praises
To the Heavenly Father
Doesn't the music
Make you yearn
For the day
That Christ returns

Praises to Our King

Meet me in the morning
Underneath the old oak tree
We'll all gather round
Lift up our voices
Sing praises to our King
Lord most High
We glorify You
Our song comes from the Lord
He blesses us with words
Our voices joined in harmony
Bringing praises to our King

In All That I Do

To the one who created the sky
I write this poem
To the one who spoke life into existence
I write my praises
To You oh God
I could worship forever
All of my days
Write of glory to Your holy Name
I give You thanks
For the gifts You have given me
I ask that You'd bless me even more
That my words be pleasing to You
Father that my heart would chase after Yours
In all that I do
I worship You

God is Love

The Lord is my Savior
I trust in Him always
When my fear is Him
I fear nothing more
When my love is His
Nothing can surpass
When I do wrong
He doesn't abandon
When I try to go my way
He simply waits for my return
God is love
He shall forever be
In Him my faith is found

Listen

Its the sounds all around
Can't you hear them
They whisper their stories
Each one is different
Each one is full
Take the time
Be still and listen
You might even learn
The secrets of this world
Just sit back and listen

Going For Two

So you thought I'd forget
To write number two
But this one here
Is just for you
I can write a new one
With just a simple thought
Just say a word
And I'll be bought
Phrases and songs
Go hand in hand
with every word I type
On this I can stand
Don't try to stump me
I'll write my way out
No matter the predicament
I'll lift up a shout
I'm going for number two

Prayer in the Night

In the still of the night
I cry out to You
My voice seems so meek
My tears unending
Can't You see my pain tonight
I'm hurting inside
I just want to scream
Turn and run forever
But I know You are there
And I know that You love me
So just hold me tonight
Let me know that I am ok
I can't turn from You
Because You won't turn from me
My heart is seeking Yours
And my arms are reaching for You

Bring Back

Bring back the memories
Of days perfected
Bring back the memories
Of creation unaffected
Lose all inhibition
Lose all sadness
Cling to Father
Let go of madness
Sing out in worship
Bring back the praise
Open up a book
Forgotten in these days
Feel all the love
God poured out us

God Alone

I worry not
When the weight of the world
Bares down upon my shoulders
I lean not on my own understanding
For I know God
He will lead me
I will be
His faithful servant
I will not fear
When I walk through the valley
The shadows of death
I do not tremble before
God alone do I fear
God alone do I love
God alone shall take care of me
God alone is there

Falling Star

So its been a super long time since I've actually blogged with my poetry, and I've been doing a lot of thinking in classes and my day to day activities. I've been having a hard time focusing on class work and studies. All I want is to get into what God is calling me to do. I want to dive into ministry studies so that I can get out into the world and really show who God is. But all this thinking has lead me to begin writing poems in class which makes my life easier at night because then I don't have to sit here and try and think something up. So here is the poem based a drawing of a shooting star.

When you wish upon a falling star
Your dreams go up in flames
As it crashes to the earth
It tears apart the ground
Your dreams go unheard
Never really known
So when you wish upon a star
Be sure to understand
Someone may want to know
Where your dreams
Are taking you
Wishing to be
The answer to your dreams
So don't be afraid
To let people in
Because you never know
Who may make
Your dreams come true

God Is Love

Look to the Heavens
See the glory of the Lord
Fall in love with the Maker
Who chose your every step
Lift your voices up
Speak love into this world
Raise up your arms
Worship the Lord
Show the world
Christ in you
Spread the love of God
Let every word
Bless someone
Let every song
Glorify the King
God is our Victor
God is our salvation
God is our love

Worship

We're worshiping
With songs of praise
We're singing the old songs again
We raise our hands
To the King above
Reaching up
Til our arms give out
God Almighty
Hear our voices
As we lift up this night
And give it to you
We pour out our hearts
Into every word we sing
Father hear and be glorified
Father we worship you

The Truth

You've lead me to believe
That You are
The way the truth and the life
I don't yet understand
The reality of truth
Lord show me
What You mean by truth
So that I may follow You

In Prayer

I need you God
You are my light
You know my path
You put before me
All that I do
You knew beforehand
Father lead me
To do your work
Father bless me
To be Your hands and feet
Father teach me
So I may teach others
Father love me
So that I may love others
Father direct my feet
Guide my eyes
Keep me from the evils
This world has accepted
Father hear me

Shepard

I give my life to You
God of Heaven and earth
In all I do
God I give to you
My life a sacrifice
Holy are You
To send down Your son
To die for my sins
To show mercy and love
God I will follow
All that You say
I will be Your servant
I will be your Shepard

Don't Look Back

I can't begin to say
How long its been this time
All the lies and fairy tales
Just to keep me around
When all this time
You didn't care
All you think about it you
And ruin what was left of us
This is the point of no return
You better make sure your bags are packed
Once you leave
I won't look back
I won't shed a tear
You're presence no longer here
I gave it my all
You stomped on it all
I won't let you see
Any emotion left in me
You've broken my heart
One time to many
I have no sympathy for you
When you learn further down the road
That you had it all with me
And now you can't have it back

Touch

I'm reaching out
Grasping for your touch
You aren't in reach
And you fade away
I wake up sobbing
Its the same dream
Night after night
I just want to hold you
But you are so far away
I need to touch you
To know that you are there
In my arms
Safe and sound
Knowing that I love you
Knowing I won't ever let go

It's Up to You

I can't begin to feel your pain
I'm not able to understand
I won't lie to make you feel good
I'll be as honest as I can
I'll be your guide
As long as you ask
Just say when
And I'll let go
It's all up to you
I'll never push to hard
I won't control your path
I'll just stand on by
And let you come to me
When you crash and burn
My arms will be open
You can run back any time
Know child that I love you
I want you to seek comfort
In my warm embrace
Know that you are loved
Know that you are mine

Lord, Why

Down upon my knees
Crying out to the Lord above
Can't you see
I'm dying inside
Can't you see these sins in me
How could you love
A wretch like me
I can't understand
Why you would die for me
Why do you love me
I'm so full of sin
I'm not even close to perfect
How can you love me
I'm drowning in my sins
Yet you look right through
Its like you see
Another side of me
One clean and pure
One more in your image
Is that why you love me
Because you can see past my sin
Lord I'm crying out to you
Tell me why

Wide Awake

Another night
I'm wide awake
I'm thinking of you
Can't get you off my mind
I miss you too much
It's driving me mad
I can't sleep
Without you by my side
Baby I can't dream
Without seeing your face
Every night I need to hear
Your voice whisper quietly in my ear
Baby I love you
Sweet dreams and good night

Restored

Bring me back to life
The one before the fall
When Adam and Eve
Walked in the garden
Side by side with You
Before Satan appeared
When all was perfect
And the fruit of the tree of Knowledge untouched
When they saw you face to face
When sin was unheard of
Life a harmony
Nothing was broken
I want to live that life
Father with You
I want to live
In Your kingdom
Restored

Lost Lovers

You and I are meant to be
Lost lovers forever
Constantly searching
Until the end of time
Never seeing
Whats right before our eyes
The love we share
Missed by the rushing clock
Separated through space and time
Until your heart
Combines with mine

Tonight We Will Dream

We will dream tonight
Of all the pretty lights
The ones we see
On the television screen
They look so bright
But they have no color
Our dreams in black and white
Show the shades of gray
But hide the truth
Those lights cover up
All the sin and destruction
Going on in the city
We can't see
What those shades of gray keep covered
But we dream nonetheless
Of our lives
Surrounded by those lights
They look so happy
Everything looks perfect
Tonight we'll dream
Of the shades of gray
Dimming out our sins
Making our lives
Look better than they are
Tonight we will dream

Under This Old Tree

Under this old tree
I dream of a day
When the world is right
Under this old tree
I see Jesus descending
Reclaiming what is His
Under this old tree
I hear a melodious chorus
Sing praises to our King
Under this old tree
God has given me visions
Hope for the future
Under this old tree
I see children free and safe
Running and laughing
Under this old tree
I sing of glory
Praises to my Savior
Under this old tree
I pray to God above
That his kingdom would return
Under this old tree
I know that I am saved
I know Jesus died for me
Under this old tree
His blood was poured
For all the world to see
On this old tree
Jesus hung for our sins
And gave us eternal life
On this old tree
I follow after Christ
Crucifying my flesh daily

God In You

A conversation
A story told between two
Don't follow where I go
For my path is not straight
Follow the path of light
I am not where I need to be
But don't you love me
Don't you want me
To be with you always
Don't lead me astray
Can't you see
I'm fighting these demons inside
Don't let me bring you down
But with the help of Christ
You can win this battle
For He has already been victorious
I've tried can't you see
I still can't measure up
Though that doesn't matter
Jesus will meet you where you are
He will stoop to pick you up
Don't walk in the shadows any more
I don't know if I can do it
I'm a sinful human
God can't want that from me
God wants perfection
Only through Jesus can we
Reach that perfection
Follow Jesus
Die to flesh
Crucify your daily sins
Become a body for Christ
He will guide you
Only if you let Him
Only if you ask Him
God I know you can heal me
Send Your Spirit upon me
Guide me on the path of light
God I want You in my life

Sing and Dance

Sing oh children
Lift up your voices
Dance oh loves
Be at peace tonight
God is with you
God hears your songs
And sees your dance
He is well pleased with you
His heart swells
When He sees you so
For He knows
You do it for Him
So sing oh children
And dance for love
Bring back the peace
And the joy
You once knew
Oh lovers of God

A Messy Ring and A Broken Heart

I saw you again the other day
In a dream I had
You were looking blue
So I ask what was up
You just waved your hands
Then you began to cough
And I saw that you couldn't breathe
I quickly got behind you
And tried to help you out
After a few seconds
Something flew from your mouth
It was the ring I gave you
I ask why it was in your mouth
And you told me
You were taking it off
To give it back
That you and I just weren't meant to be
But you loved me
And you would miss me
But you could never see me again
So with a kiss
You walked away
Leaving me standing
With a messy ring
And a broken heart

God's Guidance

I can't express the way I feel
This torment deep inside
I want to scream
And destroy things
I can't fight this frustration
Life just keeps pushing
I can't seem to stay in the clear
Always being pushed til the brink
Always being tested to a new extreme
Time and time again
I find myself on my face
Pleading God to take this all away
To take me from this pain
I know He hears me
I know he won't let me go too far
He only allows as much as I can handle
I just got to learn to handle
God I'm begging you
Lift me up
Carry me while I am down
God keep me from temptations
Ones so easy to slide into
God let your hand be with with
Guide me through the valley
Help me reach the summit once more

Only You

I am captured by your love
Only you can make me feel this way
Nothing can compare
When I talk with you
Late at night
I feel like I could never sleep
And keep hearing your voice
Til the day I am deceased
Your love keeps me surrounded
Happy and lively
None can place a finger on it
None can change my mood
Only you
Can melt my heart
And freeze my time
All at the same time
You keep me waiting
Til I see you again
My arms are aching
Til I can hold you again
Until that day
I'll keep my dreams
Focused on you
And our love growing stronger

All You Have to Do is Ask

Today I read the prayer of jabez. For those of you who don't know what that is, its a highly written about prayer that is randomly thrown into the middle of a very long genealogy story. And it is only one sentence long but it is so important and so influential. Today I also hung out with some friends but as soon as alcohol was introduced I decided it was time for me to make my leave, because a true Christian doesn't want to be around that, plus it looks kind of off. So instead of partying I said my goodnight and went home to finish reading and to talk to my roommate for a while. Now I'm sitting down to write this blog and I'm wondering what to write as a poem tonight. I want to be impressionable about who I am in Christ, and I want people to see me and really see how God is working in me, but thats something that is a day by day thing.

Don't be afraid child
I am with you
Your path I have chosen
I knew you before you were in the womb
I loved you before the Earth
I want to bless you
I want you to know me
I am God your father
I have prepared a place in heaven
For you to be
When I call you home
All I ask
Is that you put your faith in me
Trust me with your life
I will keep your path straight
All you have to do is ask
I will bless you abundantly
All you have to do is ask
I will make you a fisher of men
Just follow my son
Obey my commands
Love everyone
I will be with you
Trust in me
And your life will be blessed

Another Year at School

So another year at CalU is about to start. Our motto CALU4LIFE!!!! Because you legitimately never leave Cal, they find ways to keep you there four semester after you were supposed to graduate!!! Anyway that's not what I was going to write about. I talked to my girlfriend today for the first time in what seems like ages. I miss her very much and I hope to see her soon. But talking to her has made me see how exciting college can be. She's going to be a freshman this year at UPJ and it makes me think back to my freshman year. All the memories I had planned to keep. Now I look back at my freshman year and wish I had made more memories than, but its not to late, I've got two more years and I'm gonna make the most of it while I still have the time.

I'm staring at my life
Wondering where
All the years have gone
College is almost over
Two more years
That's all I have left
Then its hello world
Are you ready for me
Cus honestly I'm not ready for you
Life is a rushing wind
Gone before you know
Make what you can of it
You only get one
College is supposed to be
The best years of your life
So make the best of it
Don't let it pass you by
Too many opportunities will arise
That will never come again
So make the best of your time
Live a little
Have some freedom
But know the limits
Don't get out of hand
But don't be afraid
To take a few chance
College will go quickly
Don't let it slip away

Follow the Leader

Hmmm, today, what shall I write about you. You and I had lots to think about and we had little else to do. I watched Dead Poets Society today it was great, I saw it once before but I wanted to rewatch it. It intrigued me so very much, and now that I'm older it made more sense and was a lot deeper to me. Robin Williams by far was a greater actor in the early to mid 90s when he did serious drama with his comical genius mixed in. A lot of his newer stuff just don't match up. But any way that was all I really did, beside take a lot of time to think and read. Today I've been trying to find answers to questions I don't have. People say that you can find all the answers in the bible, and I believe it, but if you don't know the questions you won't know the answer when you see it. So today was one of those day where I kept hoping to come across some scripture that jumped out and me and was like hey I'm the answer you are looking for, unfortunately this did not happen. However I did feel as though I had gotten to spend more much needed time with God than I had done most of the summer. And I had some crazy thoughts go through my head some sounded really good so I made them facebook statuses, and now I shall make them a poem and grow it into something extraordinary like every poem should be!

Gotta take a break from this life from time to time
Gotta let your mind be free
So God can take control
You can't afford to lose your soul
Not like this
You gotta give it up
To the one who gave it all away
Just so you can be saved
Don't waste life
Live it right
You've got so much potential
Why you throwing it away
Don't you know
God has got your back
Your life
He planned that out
Before the world began
He knows you inside and out
So why not let Him
Take control
Give it up to Him
Watch the transformation begin
God loves you
He will use you
You just gotta let Him
Be blessed my brothers and sisters in Christ
Follow the leader
Woah that ain't me
Jesus is your leader
I'm a follower
Just like you
We all stumble
We all fall
But God is there
Let Him pick you up
He'll carry you
Til your ready to walk again
And He'll stay by your side
Til He calls you home again
So why not take a chance
God won't let you down
I'm living proof
God can love anybody
You just gotta ask

Jesus in Me

Today has been a long day. Its given me a lot of time to think. Sadly however I did no such thing. I did do a lot of work and really spend time in worship most of the day because I listened to Hillsong United most of the day. So I've had time to worship, and I also had time to talk to God. I mainly just kept praying my car would continue to run well and thanked Him for another glorious day. Every day is a new day to make people see who you are. And every day is a chance to say hey look at me I have the Holy Spirit burning within me. Some times though it seems as if no one notices. Other times you wonder if you are doing enough to make it show. Like today for instance I worked all day without a grumble, and I didn't bother anybody the whole time, in fact they kept coming out to check on me. I politely thanked them when they offered a drink or whatever weather I excepted or not. But I don't know that they could see Jesus in me, but I tried to be a representative of Jesus. So today I even tried hard to keep my patience while driving home even though all I thought about was getting back getting a shower and finding food. I was just plain worn out and I didn't have a lot of patience with anybody driving around me. So I tried really hard to be in good spirits about it, and I think for the most part I was. Up until I saw the train in Brownsville and I was dead set on beating it into West Brownsville where I had to cross the tracks to get to my place. Luckily I did, and I was relieved. So tonight I've really rambled on but its ok because lately my blogs have been kind of short and my poems kind of alright, and tonight I'm still debating on a topic to write on even as I continue to enlongate this blog. So here we go.

Do people see you
When they look at me
Do I represent
You in all I do
Or do I do things for me
Am I walking the path You chose for me
Or am I making my own decisions
God protect me
Keep me blessed
In Your mercy
Let people see
Your Holy Spirit
Dwelling inside me
I want to be Your light
In this dark gruesome word
Jesus,
Do they see You in me?

A Poem

So today has been an entertaining one. My car died on the highway, I stained a deck all day and than I made it home safely again. I gotta go back out tomorrow though. Because of this I have had no time to even pretend to think about a poem, however I'm sure I can come up with something.

I made this poem
A poem for you
I wanted to write
Something nice
Just for you
So I thought of this poem
And I thought of you
Now here is a poem
One you can enjoy
Because I wrote it
With you in mind
You are the meaning
Behind this poem
And though it is simple
It is filled with Love
Because I wrote this poem
Just for you

Demon or Holy Spirit

Tonights poem is brought to you by the Holy Spirit!

Deep inside
A demon lies
He waits to attack
When I am at my weakest
He sneers at me
He mocks my love
He tells me that I'm no good
But he is not alone
For in fact
A shining light
Pushes him far below
The shining light
Is the Holy Spirit
Who guides my steps
And protects my soul
He tells me that he loves me
And I was made in His image
I am God's son
I have nothing to fear

To You oh Lord

Today has been another great day. God has been teaching me constantly. I know that even though I have little patience with other drivers and I'm quick to anger, God is teaching me to be less of these things. I also learned about God's covenants. There were a few and I've learned some new ones that I didn't know about, which was kind of cool. Being back in Brownsville has been great so far, I'm hoping things still go well over the next few days. My knee needs a break from all the running around I've been doing. So all this rambling and really no topic for a poem, how sad.

To You oh Lord
I run with joy
To You oh Lord
My heart is racing
To You oh Lord
My soul belongs
To You oh Lord
I will sing my praises
You have taught me much
You have given me life
You Lord
Have raised me up
Brought me from death
To Life eternal
To You oh Lord
I owe my life

You

So today has been an extremely long day. I do not want to have to make that drive any time soon again. But alas I am safe in my new home and I will slowly begin to unpack everything and make it home to me. So tonight I've got to come up with a poem and I really have no idea what to write.

You
Bright and bubbly, you
Shinning like a star, you
Lovable and caring, you
Always cheerful never fearful, you
Complete me, you
Make my world go round, you
Tell me how much you love me, you
Always there for me, you
Bring color into my life, you
I thank God for, you
I will always love, you
The girl of my dreams, you
Above the rest, you
Perfect for me

My Love

So tonights poem is brought to you by the letter love. Cause when you find it you know it. I've been in love with this girl for far too long, and now my prayers are that we can keep it together. So a poem for my love.

You got me flying high
My mind up in the sky
My heart's aflutter
You make me smile
Like no one else
Babe you are my everything
Don't let nobody
Tell you any different
I love the way you laugh
I love the way you smile
Your voice is the instrument
I want to hear
Every night before I sleep
Your hands are perfect
Just for mine
I want to hold you tight
All through the night
Whisper I love yous in your ear
Never let you go
You are my baby
I love you sweet lullaby

On Facing Freedom

I have one day left at home and I just don't know what to do any more. I can't stand staying home, but I can't stand being anywhere else either. I'm so antzy to be gone, but I'm stuck with this feeling that I'm not really ready to go. Like something is holding me back. I wish I could wake up and it be Tuesday tomorrow, but I know I still have a day left to go and its tearing me up inside. I have everything but my clothes packed and ready to be thrown in the car but its killing me to see it piled up. I don't know what to do, my brain feels as though it might explode. Normally right now I'd be smoking an entire pack of cigs or drinking until I couldn't feel, but I gave that all up knowing God would take care of me. Yet I struggle at times like this when it feels as though God is on the wayside just watching me struggle. I know it isn't true, but it feels like it is and its eating me inside.

It's eating me inside
This nagging deep inside
I want to be free
Yet I'm half afraid to leap
I need a little push
That bit of encouragement
The voice that says
"Hey, you got this"
I've been here before
But somehow it feels different
Maybe knowing
I'm more free than before
Maybe knowing I really have control
This world that I've been going after
Is finally at my feet
But suddenly I'm not sure
Am I ready for this
I didn't ask for worries
I didn't ask for troubles
All I ask for
Was freedom from home
This is more than freedom
This is newdom
Nothing is as I thought it should be
I can't run back like I did before
It's time to face this
With my feet firmly planted
My mind firmly set
I can do this
I was born for this
I will overcome this

Rock Bottom

So today I had some fun outing with my female cuz. We hardly agree on anything, however, we do agree on fashion. We both have this thing for needing to look good at all times. Our fashions may be a little different than the norm but that's what makes us unique and what bonds us. Than my sister and I went to the drive in again and we watched Despicable Me and The Other Guys. The first was adorable. The second I could live without. Tonight I am blanking severely on what to write about. And I'm running low on ideas, but that fact alone can actually become an idea within itself, so lets see how it goes.

I am hitting rock bottom
My ideas are waning
Emotions are lost
Words not found
Poetry not written
I am at rock bottom
Once I thought
I would never
Be low on ideas
I am quickly learning
My ideas
Are quickly burning
I am at rock bottom
I need some inspiration
Something that sparks my mind
I need new emotions
To bring back
The life in my words
I am at rock bottom
My poetry
Is low on feelings
I can't find the words
To bring my emotions to life
I am at rock bottom

Tree Farm

Today was a great day. I got to spend time with my cousins. We beat each other up on the trampoline, than we played halo together for a while. My sister was having dental work so me and my older cousin babysat as well. We learn that Evey loves Lady Gaga and she will boogey away to it. But honestly that wasn't what made it great. What made it great was how God always brings things in your life together. For the last month I had been doing a devotional about how God has planted man like a tree by the stream so that it could grow strong and dig its roots deep. The whole devotional talked about how a man was supposed to be like a tree. Tonight my best friend and I went for a drive and he took me out to a tree far he works at. And it's amazing how God just connects things in your life like that. And we also saw a fawn down at the tree farm and its just been an amazing night filled with God. So I've decided to write a poem tonight about trees and being like one and whatever else decides to flow.

On some days
I am like a tree
Strong and tall
On others I am
A brittle branch
Waiting to be pruned
I know that
God is life
He is the stream
By which I am planted
God is the farmer
Who cuts off
The dead branches
Keeping me
Nourished and healthy
For I am His tree
He planted me for a purpose
He would not let me welter
He will keep me strong
For times of trouble
My roots
They've buried deep
My branches
Reach high
I am like an evergreen
Surviving through the worst
Growing all the time
God is my farmer
I am his tree

Time

So I've been struggling with some thoughts lately and I've been listening to a bunch of old songs that used to mean the world to me and now they take me back to a lot of old memories. I some times wish I could have froze time in those moments when the answer never seemed easier. When I never felt happier. Now I just keep praying that some how I can go look forward and be able to know. Just what it is I'm really looking at. When those easy grateful times come around I'll know what to do instead of what I think I should do. Life is a series of choices some times you walk down the path and realize it may have been easy but man was it wrong. So that is where this poem comes from.

I've got a lot on my mind
I just want to take the time
To figure it all out
Just give me my space
Can't you see I'm suffocating
I don't know what to say
Just give me some time
My mind is full of commotion
I need to straighten it out
My heart is fighting my head
My head is telling me not to listen
But I don't know any more
Just give me some time
I promise I'll figure it out
I won't let you down
No I won't let you go
Just give me some time

The Fire

I had a bonfire tonight kind of as my last hoorah before I head back to school. Things are definitely going to be different this year. I won't be returning home like I used to. I'll be able to say "Hey, I don't want to go home, so I don't have to." Yet a part of me wonders will I still want to? I mean I love my family, but some times I just keep thinking I'll be better off on my own. I sure hope I'm right. But I kinda just wrote this poem as a way of dealing with a number of things. The loss of my pap, the loss of a girl I once knew well and loved, and the loss of a few other good friends. I actually wrote this poem before I wrote this excerpt. So enjoy the poem.

There was a fire tonight
But you weren't there
I felt alone
My arms felt bare
I miss you here with me
Things aren't the way they used to be
My life is so empty
But you can't see it any more
You aren't here with me
And my heart feels as if it tore
Come back to me again
You used to my friend
Times have changed so much
I'm sorry it had to end
I had a fire tonight
It was cold without you
I saw the stars twinkling
They reminded me of who
You and I used to be

Make A Wish

So I'm writing this one rather early. It''s because I've been working on it since I laid my head down last night. Its a poem of a memory, but also a poem of a longing. I have long been in love with the girl that I wrote this for, though things don't really want to work out for us. I will always love her and she knows it. Some times I wish I could go back to the nights when we were together and take her in my arms and show her how I really felt. However there's no reasons for regrets and there's no reason to wallow on the past. What is done is done, I cannot change it. Whatever the good Lord wills for me and for her is in His hands. If we come together again, than praise God, if we go our separate ways than praise God. So here it is a poem on wishing.

Make a wish
The stars are out tonight
Do you see that
They look like a candle
Quick make a wish
Before it fades away
Don't tell me what you wished
Just hold me tight
Promise you'll love me
From this night on
I couldn't live another night
Being apart from you
I love you too much
My heart could not bear
If you told me you didn't
Show me a smile
One brighter than the stars
Let me know that you love me
Can't we stay in this moment
When all seems perfect
Your warmth close to me
Your kisses sweet as honey
So make a wish
A wish so real
It just has to come true
A wish for me and you
That our love would grow
No matter what happens
We'd always make it through
Make a wish
For the happiness you've been finding
That it would last the span of time
Here in my arms is where you belong
So quick make a wish
The night is almost gone
So make a wish
That my wish would come true

On Being Obedient

So today I had an interesting talk with my best friend about what he wants to do with his life. God doesn't always call us to do what we want to do, in fact He often calls us to do that which is furthest from our hearts. If we are obedient to Him He will bless us plentifully. Often this is easier said than done. However prayer and giving your life to God can begin to make this a simpler deal. So tonight I want to write about being a Son or daughter of God and what being obedient means.

Father not my will but Yours
Break down my walls
Teach me new boundaries
Father not what I want but You
Make my life a sacrifice to You
Let now my wants hold me back
Cleanse my heart Lord
Make it a pure heart
Not my will nut Yours
I am not here for me
Father I will serve You
All the days of my life
Teach me Your will
Strengthen me in that which I am weak
Use my lows for my highs
Father not my will but Yours
I will bow my knee before You
My King of Kings
I will do as You command
Lord above all else
Father not my will but Yours

On Facing Demons

So today was actually kind of a boring day. I finally was able to go out and drive through a city and on the highway by myself with out my family breathing down my back. Yeah I know I'm 20 why are my parents still like that. Well it only took two years of actually having my license to be able to drive without someone trying to tell me what to do. Plus its my car so all the better to be free in. But other than that nothing really happened today. So I really have no idea what to write about. Well hopefully that little bit of youtubing helps we'll see.

Can't fight these demons any more
They've reached deep inside
They've taken hold of my heart
Can't you see this pain in my eyes
Where are you now
I need you so bad
I can't find you though
You said you'd be there always
Won't you take these demons away
I'm hurting in the worst way
Father I'm crying out to you
I'm breaking my chains for you
My heart is in pieces
Please mend them
Make me new
I am your creation
Don't let these demons destroy me
The agony is overwhelming
Your love is overpowering
Please shine your light
Bright into my heart
Scare these demons away
And take your place
In my heart

On Getting Older

My car is fixed and I could take off if I wished, but I've got stuff here yet. Some times I think it'd be easier for me to take off and begin my life out there at school in a new place. Other times I feel I'm not really ready to make a life of my own. I mean, it won't really be like I can't drive home when I feel lonely or when I miss my gram too much. I mean my sister moved to Alaska when she got married, that was really hard on her because she couldn't just come back when she wanted. She adjusted well after a few years I know it was rougher once pappy passed away. I had hoped he'd be around for my first year of college but God had other plans. Now its about time, I truthfully took responsibility of what I want in life. No more playing games and saying oops when I screw up. Its time to get my head straight and start living like a man.

I've come so far
You've helped me grow
It's time to go
I've got to make it
I've got to be my own person now
You've taught me well
I'll take the lessons
I'll remember them well
Its time for me
To be who I want to be
Its time for me
Too make a name for myself
You can't take care of me any more
I had hoped you'd be there for the start
But I made it through
I have a few new scars
But I know my mistakes
You'd be proud of me now
I'm going to be alright
Life is just beginning
I'm taking on responsibilities
Just like you said I would
I'm growing up
To be the man you hoped I be
I am going to be fine
I'm my own person now

On Becoming Patient

So, today I got the chance to go fishing again. I went by myself. I decided, it would be a chance to get away from the hubub of life and have a bit of time with God. Unfortunately I have this really bad habit of carrying on conversations with random voices in my head, so it wasn't really the time with God that I had hoped. Plus I just have no patience so I'm not the greatest of fisherman. But I did have some thinking time and I did think about being fisher of men and not just a fisherman. Peter was a fisherman and Jesus called him from his fishing life to become fisher of men. So I thought, well maybe the trick lies in being a real fisherman, but without patience its not always easy. So a poem of patience.

Patience my child
Do you not know
Not everything comes quickly
My children have been waiting
nearly two thousand years
For the return of my kingdom
You can't even wait two hours
For a fish to bite
Patience my child
Will lead you to wisdom
Patience will lead you to me
Patience is a virtue
With Patience comes calmness
With patience comes new horizons
Love becomes stronger
Life becomes easier
You and I become closer
Patience my child
That is all that you need
Wait and pray
Be vigilant tonight
Learn of patience
Patience my love
I will come back
You just have to learn patience

From Words to Poetry

Struggling tonight to write just about anything.

Everything is falling through
I can't believe that my mind is blank
Summer is ending what do I got to show
School is warming up, getting ready to start up
Heading back real soon and I ain't even sure I'm ready
Its a brand new ball game, I better not strike out
This is all I got left
If I let myself down I ain't got no one to blame
Me myself and I that's all I really have
I got a family and friends that I depend on
But at the end of the night it all falls on me
What I do, and the choices I make
They don't make them for me
I can't blame them for my falls
Its up to me to show the world
I am ready for any obstacle they put in my face
No they can't keep me down.
No they won't push me around
This is my life, my game
I'll play it my way
And God'll guide my step, every day
God has got my back my front my all around
I'll step in faith through this world
Because the evil all around me falls apart
Just like a shredded paper heart

About Goodbyes

So tonight I got to see Toy Story 3 and it ends rather sadly, however this was not really my inspiration for the poem tonight. I actually wrote it before I did this part because it hit me hard and I let it flow. So often we don't want to say goodbye because it hurts us too much and we're too afraid to cry. I have learned to say goodbye a few times and it always ended in tears. I've recently lost a friend who once said I won't say goodbye because goodbye means gone forever and I refuse to let you out of my life. Now she won't even talk to me. I miss her now and again, but I told her last we talked that I'd give her all the space she needed and no matter what I still loved her. I guess maybe some times goodbyes are easier then so long for nows. So here is my goodbye.

It takes a lot to say goodbye
But it takes a heart to start to cry
Don't think about the future
Focus on the past
Life is always gonna have its goodbyes
Don't let tomorrow come early
Stay by my side tonight
Remember all the fun
Remember all we had
I'll never forget about you
Just promise to never forget me
You and I were meant to be
This I promise just wait and see
I won't say goodbye tonight
I'll just hold on tight
If I start to cry
Don't be afraid to hold me closer
I'll love you forever
Just don't let me go
Don't say goodbye tonight
Because those words hurt too much
Goodbye means forever
I won't let that happen
So farewell for now
Until we meet again

Run Away

Tonight I think I'm going to write about running away. When your problems finally get to a point where you want nothing more then to run away from everything. Find a place to escape from reality. Some times its alright to run. Some times running actually leads us to something better. We are called to run away from that which tempts us to sin. We are called to not conform to this world but run from its sinful ways. So some times running is good. A poem of running

No where to turn
I begin to run
Quickly to something new
I can't deal with the pain
I need to escape
I need to get away
Before I get defeated
It's time to run
I need a new direction
Show me another path
I can't stay any longer
I need to get away
You don't know my problems
Don't beg me to stay
I want to run
In the opposite direction
Don't try and hold me back
I can't bear the weight
I have to run away
Can't you see my pain
Can't you understand my hurt
I must run away
To a new beginning
Run away
To a new life
Where pain and anguish
Have no control
I must run away

To My Mother

So tonight I was texting with my mother for a while, and the significance of this is the fact that I was actually talking to her. My mother and I never talk. I just refused for years to talk to her because she had basically abandoned my sister and I when we were younger. So I hadn't seen her for around eight years and suddenly she wanted to be back in our lives. Well With everything my family had said about her I had wanted nothing to do with her. She may have given birth to me but she wasn't my mom. But more recently I have forgiven her in my heart and I have met with her a couple times over the last two years. Now I am beginning to text her and actually take time to talk to her and I feel like a part of me is saying just give her a chance show her the love of Christ. So tonight my poem is about her.

Where were you mom
Throughout my childhood
Not a picture of us to be found
You made some poor decisions
I love you still
You quit seeing me
I quit caring
Mom where were you
When I road my first bike
When I first learned to drive
When I out on that cap and gown
Mom I know you wanted to be there
Mom you waited too long
There's not much for you to be in my life
You missed all the important things
Mom I still love you
Can't we turned back the time
Show you the reruns of my life
Mom you missed so much
Mom don't cry
I'm still your son
I'm the baby
But I'm all grown up now
And you missed it all
I still love you mom

Paved or Rugged

Look at the path you follow the most what does it look like? Often times we take the path that's been beaten before us but some times we decided to take the path less traveled to quote Robert Frost. Today I celebrated a my aunt's 50th birthday. I kept saying I can't afford to get old I'm going to work with kids most of my life. Then I was driving aimlessly around with my best friend and we were talking about God and evolution and things that are in the schools and not in the schools because of how this world is disintegrating and I just think that so often we follow the path of those that came before us instead of making our own. So tonight I wanna write about taking a different path.

I've been here before
The fork in the road
I look and see
Briers and thickets on one path
On the other a well paved road
That road worn before me
By many whom taught me well
But now I am on my own
So what path should I take
Be your own person is what I was told
Make your own choices
But does that mean I can't follow you
No but don't make the same mistakes
So here I am
At the fork in the road
The scarier one to my right
The paved to my left
I take my step of faith
God will protect me
As I walk through the briers
And stand on the thorns
This is my life
I'll choose my own path
God is with me always
I have nothing to fear
I can make my own path
And when I look back
I'll know it was best

Hide

I want to say that every day, I pray for guidance and strength and every day I tell myself "Ok Jon you'll be alright today." Some times I think if I could just go some where with my music and not come out for a while I'd be back to where life is taking me and I'd stop worrying so much about the world around me. Being a Christian even to death often gets me criticized even in my own family. I know they would tell me they were just joking around but it really hurts that they don't see what this means to me. I worry deep into my spirit for all their lives they aren't saved like I am and they won't listen to me talk about it either. I just don't know what to do some days. Some times I just want to hide some where and spend a few days with God all alone. I wonder if that would get me seeing straighter. I guess only God would know.

I'm afraid of who I am
I'm not sure of who I'm supposed to be
I want to run far away
Can't anybody see
This look in my eyes
That says I want to hide
Leave this place
For somewhere new
For a time to get away
Leave this world behind
Just me and God
Him talking
Me listening
I know he loves me
He is taking care of me
But I am afraid
I don't like the judgment
It hurts me deep inside
Can't people see
This light in my eyes
The light that says
I know the truth
I want to share it
I want to run away
And leave them all behind
Let God hold me close
And take me from this world
To Him and my family in Christ
I want to get away from persecution and abandonment
To love and compassion
Can't they see in my eyes
That I just want to hide

Freedom

So tonight I'm back to throwing whatever happens to come to mind down as a poem. Yesterday I did a lot of listening to Owl City and feeling lonely without a special someone to call my own. Today I saw the final steps of my car come together and hopefully in the morning I will get to see it get inspected and passed. This would mean I am finally going to be ready to be free. So tonight I think I'm going to write about freedom.

Daddy look at me
My car is packed
The road is calling
I'm finally ready daddy
Ready to be free
When I get behind that wheel
You'll see a new me
Freedom is calling
Can't you hear it daddy
I'm ready to be gone
Ready to be free
Daddy I love you
Don't you cry
I'm finally the man
You hoped I be
I'm finally free
I'm driving away now daddy
One last honk and wave
I'm ready to leave
Ready for freedom
Don't worry I'll call
I'll be on my own
But I know I'll be ok
Daddy I love you
Daddy I'm free

In Faith

"Overflowing with the Spirit my heart wept for the love I don't deserve. God is merciful and forgiving. He is so filled with compassion." This is what I wrote before I wrote the following poem. I however don't really remember when I wrote it. I do know that on Friday night I had wept and it was because of the overflowing love I had felt from God. So without further ado my poem of faith.

Do not fear my child
For I hold you in my hands
Know that I love you
Trust in me
Whenever you fall
I will always catch you
So put your faith in me
Not one hair will touch the ground
I will cradle you like a baby
Know that I love you
My Spirit flows in you
Spread my love to everyone
They will know that you love them
And that I loved them first

A Living Sacrifice

So This one I wrote after sitting on a giant rock and going through my devotionals. I was kinda praying and kinda thinking in poem form at the same time. So this one is kinda an interesting one.

I am not afraid of this world
So take me out of it
I do not delight in its sins
So give me Your Godliness
Take away the flesh
Give me more spirit
Lead me in Your love
Teach me Your works
Make my life
A living sacrifice
For the one who came down
And laid down His life first for me

This Mask You Wear

So one night at Mahaffey I was thinking about how some of the kids going to camp, and putting on a Christian face for their parents, but not truly having God in them. SO I wrote about how we often have mask for certain occasions.

The masks you wear
You have one for each disguise
Out with your friends
Your mask is concealing
Your true feelings inside
At church you hide
Behind the mask of salvation
But you know you live a lie
You are hurting inside
But no one really knows the truth
You are screaming in agony
No one hears a sound
You feel alone
Surrounded by friends
They don't even know you
Stop hiding behind your mask
Let someone love you
Scars and all
He's waiting for you
To give Him your life
He knows all your pains
He loved you to His death
So break free from your mask
Be free in Him